My mate Tony's explanation of Time Dilation

This should help clear things up. [Maybe]

The twin paradox: Is the symmetry of time dilation paradoxical?
It all makes sense now, although the diagram might also help.
Scientific explanation:

Time Dilation; It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning.
The reason for this odd behaviour is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory. It works like this: it is a well known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move. After about 8 beers (or 4 double brandies & coke, etc), you're moving at close to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture.
According to his Relativity Theory, any body moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes Time Dilation, i.e. time for you in the pub passes slower than for an observer outside the pub.
Complicated calculations have shown that the pub becomes a type of time machine:- for every half-hour spent inside the pub, something like two hours pass outside the pub.
A typical situation is: "OK guys, it's 8 O'clock, I'm gonna surprise the family and get home early!!" However, the moment this person steps outside the pub, the time travel effect is negated by negative radiation from the environment, and he/she then goes: "WTF??!!?? - why is it so quiet?? Holy S****!!! It's half past one!! WHAT HAPPENED THERE???!!??" .....and the answer, of course, is Time Dilation!!
I have tried to explain this to outside observers, but up until now nobody (except fellow time travelers) has been able or willing to understand the sound scientific basis of this phenomenon.
Please forward this to all fellow known time travelers - maybe we can prove this theory by sheer, overwhelming force of numbers.

G'day,

Just thought I'd look in on you.

I see you are doing bugger all as usual!

Now you can get on with the job that you are supposed to be doing.

Now who's fault is it?

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am?" The woman replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". "You must be a mathematician" said the balloonist .
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is probably technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it is my fault."

Does this sound familiar?

This one must ring a few bells!

[ Click on the image for full size viewing.]

Dedicated to all of my senior friends, all of whom are over fifty years of age.

None of which are worth talking to till after 10:00am of a morning and at least two cups of coffee and the odd slice of hot toast with butter and vegemite have been consumed. If you are not Australian, you wouldn't appreciate the unique flavour of the product that puts "a rose in every cheek."

-:Please feel free to sing along:-

"We're happy little Vegemites
As bright as bright can be.
We all enjoy our Vegemite
For breakfast, lunch, and tea.
Our mother says we're growing
stronger every single week.
Because we love our Vegemite.
We all adore our Vegemite.
It puts a rose in every cheek!"

The character above is typical of one person I know well who isn't nice to know before 10:00am. He needs all our love, devotion, and inspirational motivation poor bugger.

Islamic Demographics By 2050

Watch this before they take it off the web!
And this is happening in Australia. If we take notice, then our young people have a lot of "home work" to do. To late for me to start work on it.
Look at this before it gets removed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-3X5hIFXYU

Today's Inspirational Message

Never piss off a man
that owns a backhoe !

Mumbai calling! - New World Survey.

Image of a typical Indian Call Centre

NEW WORLD SURVEY Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And Finally........................... In Australia they hung up because they can't understand an Indian accent.
Now let us all have a chuckle over that.