Why was the Blue Oval used as a hyphen?

I used the term "Hyphen" in a literal sense. The first Ford Vehicle to grace our garage was a Mk I Cortina the replacement for what was known as the Ford Consul manufactured in the UK. It was a good vehicle in its day and originally arrived in Australia some time in 1962 and updated to MkII in 1966. I bought the first of these cars in 1964 and was surprised at the performance of the 1200cc motor. Strangely, and perhaps due to the fact that we were building a house and our eldest child was due in June of that year, it and all the subsequent Ford range never saw any trick bits bolted onto them.

The second of the Cortina range came a few years later as a MkII. This one had four doors and a 1500cc motor but at least we could get two infants into the car with out breaking our backs.

Then the Ford Falcons replaced the ever reliable Cortinas. A 1964 XM was followed by a Falcon XP Station Wagon which was fitted with extra security by way of a red short haired dacshund by the name of Fred. Family could get in and out of that car, no problem, but let anyone else get in the car before a family member, Fred would meet them snarling with barred teeth.

Next came a XY Falcon and the die was caste to become a Ford family only to be broken with the purchase of a Leyland P76 V8 when another stage in my motoring life came into play the the Ford badge reappeared in the form of a Ford Falcon XE "S" pack in 1984 then a Ford Telstar, a rebadged Mazda 626 in 1987. I must say that these were the primary family cars. Scattered in amongst them were others that were used as work hacks, a Datsun 1200 coupe, a Baja VW Beetle that was a spin off from the Dune buggy days.

Two more Fords followed this time brand new ones a 1994 EB Series 2 Falcon, and the last being a Ford Laser in 2002.

Then came employment at a mining site and a second vehicle was needed so a Toyota Corona S/Wagon came into service, then was stolen out of a company car park in broard daylight. Three weeks later it was found in a school yard where it had been stripped. The remains were sold and a 1989 Toyota Camry began a new life for a period of three years, but it and the Laser didn't offer the comfort for both my good wife and I on long trips, and one had to go. The household financial adviser said that the Laser would stay, and the Camry would be sacrificed. She how must be obeyed prefers to drive a manual geared car hence her decision.

Enter the 2002 BA Series Falcon and what we had missed since 2002 was evident after taking possession of it. A well serviced car with full history now lovingly refered to as the "Gold Wing" with apologies to Honda Motor Cycles, but Falcons in real life do have wings. This one being no exception to that rule in life.

If I retrace my steps a few years "Hildegarde" the 48/215 series (FX) Holden was a project prior to 1970. It was to be the last of the Hot Holdens to pass through my hands the first being in 1960 when a FC Holden got the spanners thrown at it. But the financial adviser found that she couldn't handle it whilst expecting our first born in June 1964. Enter the Ford Cortina Mk.I mentioned at the top of the page.

When the 48/215 (FX) Holden was sold the kids balled their collective eyes out. They loved that car and the fun times we all had in it.

Beetle Mania. What is it about the humble VW Beetle?

In recounting the years of mobility, something always drew me towards the ugly duckling of cars, the Volkswagon. It has been termed by its detractors as "Hitler's Revenge" but was designed by Ferdinand Porsche under instruction by the "Fuhrer" to produce a peoples car, and that is exactly what happened.

The initial car was produced at Wolfsburg Germany in 1938 but with the advent of the second world war the factory was used to produce war type vehicles and it wasn't till 1946 that the humble beetle started to appear in any great number. For the full story, please visit the following site address. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volkswagen

I used to ask the question. "Who in their right mind would buy one of those?"

• A car with an engine in the tail end behind its gearbox.


• A petrol tank over you legs and feet.


• A car whose motor was different being a flat 1200cc horizontally opposed four cylinder air cooled arrangement. They only went into motorcycles.


• Strange torsion bar suspension and swing axle at the rear, and spring leaf torsion bar beam at the front. But it all worked and was simple.

Well the answer was simple. They were reasonably cheap even in Australia, they were reliable and if something went wrong, easy to fix. A good mechanic could drop a motor out of one in less than half an hour, put it on a work bench or stand then proceed to do what ever was necessary if the repairs couldn't be done in engine bay.

Now to my involvement. I bought the first of them a 1956 model which I kept for a period of twelve months as a second car, then traded it in with a '64 XM Falcon on another car. A few years later I was able to acquire two written off wrecks. One was severely damaged at the front, and the second looked like a bulldozer had hit it in the rear. When I arrived home with the first one My wife looked at in horror, but said nothing. A few hours later I arrived home with the second and this time I was told my pedigree.

Three months later and a lot of work, day and night, we ended up with a beautiful beetle. What was originally a 1200cc motor had grown in capacity to 1750cc by using an aftermarket Empi big bore kit, a mild camshaft, "Holley Bug Spray" inlet manifold and carburettor, and tuned length extractor exhaust system. It went really well but the engine seemed to want to do more than the miserable 3800RPM's. There was definitely something wrong.

After talking to a number of people, not to mention reading heaps of American VW magazines, I discovered the the cam in the VW distributor had one lobe out of whack with the other three. It was designed to create bounce of the distributor points arm when it rotated at a certain rev range. Now Mr Bosch made and sold a replacement distributor known as the "Bosch 090" that eliminated that problem and allowed the motor to rev its heart out. This then produced another problem, and one that could be very costly. The crank shaft was not counterweight designed. If you could to fit one of those, 7500RPM's wasn't an unusual top limit. Over rev the engine and it would explode into the best load of shrapnel in town. Old Ferdinand Porsche knew what he was doing. Here was one big difference between VW and Porsche engines and there were others as well.

Suffice to say I heeded the advise from the magazines and took fine care not to take the motor over 5000RPM's.

Then the arguments started as to who was going to drive the beetle Joan or I. If that wasn't bad enough the kids argued as to who was going to ride in the space behind the back seat sitting over the engine. The VW of today is now an upmarket make; and sadly is no longer a working man's family car. The VW of today is now an upmarket make; and sadly is no longer a working man's family car.

By this time a new interest reared it head and it was time to move on. The VW was sold sadly, but there was money to be made from the sale that funded the next venture. Dune Buggies . . . . . . . . . . . But that is another story.

Now look at VW today, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd5WGLWNllA

How about old Holdens. They never die, just rust away.

Sometime after the Morris Minor passed into history I decided that a bigger car was the order of the day. My parents owned a 1954 FJ Holden which I virtually destroyed on night in Burnie outside the then Burnie Technical College. My popularity at home was sub zero for the period it took it to be repaired. Then I was banned from driving it till I learnt better sense.
Just great, so I bought a FJ of my own. In this case it was if you can't join them, beat them. Now the strange thing was that this was one car that never experienced modifications save for a replacement muffler and tail pipe. I kept that car till 1961 when I was lucky enough to drop onto a mildly worked 1958 FC.
This car was to eventually get the full treatment.

• Lowered suspension x 50mm = 2.000" c/w reset springs.


• Brakes were upgraded to the latest specs.


• Cylinder head: This included oversized valves in both inlet and exhaust. the head was blue printed and this included porting and polishing. The head was planed to increase the compression ratio then fitted with dual valve springs, then carefully put aside while the rest got a touch up


• Engine block: The original block was bored to 3 1/16" and the only way to get a 3 1/4" bore was to track down an Opel block as was fitted to the early 48/215 FX cars. Fortunately my cousin had or found one and it was bored out to the desired diamater and fitted with Ford Zepher pistons, and rings. To add a bit more sting in its tail a Mervyn Waggott 15-55-55-15 camshaft was fitted with an alloy timing gear as the original fibre gears were prone to stripping off teeth.


• If it had horsepower, it needed a clutch that would take it so it was rebuilt with heavier springs. the gearbox was retained as Riley boxes were scarse at the time. Rear axles were replaced with new units. there is nothing worse than taking off and BANG! goes an axle.


• Finally, twin Stromberg Carburettors, a Warnerford inlet manifold, and a full Lukey Myers 2'' exhaust system was purchased.

When the engine was finally assembled, the heart transplant took place and was completed early one friday night. One proud owner fired it up and drove into Burnie from Penguin at around 50 MPH. [It was accepted practice in those days to run in a new motor.] Outside the Old Burnie Hospital was the local Police Patrol car, I gave him a friendly wave, what did he do but follow me till I pulled up, and promptly booked me for undue noise. Snr.Const. Wakefield and I didn't see eye to eye on this occasion and it went to court and I won, but lost a days pay defending the alleged offence.

The car stayed in the family till February 1964, Joan and I married in April 1963 and by February she was unable to handle it due to expecting our first born. During the time we owned it, the car was known all along the coast. Pale Blue with a Dark blue 200mm GT stripe from front to back. Strangely prior to selling it one of the local Penguin policemen bought the carbies, and exhaust system off it, but it didn't sound anything like mine, nor did it perform like mine. When I fitted the standard manifolds etc. to the FC for trade in, I thought I had tied the back bumper bar to a telegraph pole, it had lost so much power output.

Many years later I was to go through a similar exercise with a 48/53 series Holden, but I never got the same result as the original. just the same the kids loved "Hildegard the Holden" and cried when I sold it for $3500.00 in 1970. It wasn't a bad return on investment as I bought it as a basket case for $150.00.

A little bush poetry, and good for a laugh.

Take a gander at the history of the Dunny.
http://www.warrenfahey.com/bush-dunny.htm

Bush Poetry on The Thunder Box.
They say the Landlord of the old Diggers Rest hotel in Victoria used to do this many, many years ago.
A good, old fashioned joke ....nuthin like em....
This is particularly for those who remember what it was like to have........a...... DUNNY!



The Old Service Station

The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick.
Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked "His" and "Hers"
That sat against the hill.

'Where is the ladies restroom, sir?'
The owner leaning back,Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there

But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face she bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before.

She tripped and fell --
got up,and then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set and then the devilish guy,
would stop his whittling long enough,to speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below struck terror, fright and fear
'Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here!'

Please feel free to laugh a little.


Another Lovely Australian Poem

It has something for everyone - If you know the bush, it will appeal to you, if you work in the oil industry, there is something in it for you too, if you have a sense of humour - well, it might test it a little and if you are not an Australian, then it won't help your knowledge of Australian life one bit.......................

Goodbye Granddad.

Poor old Granddad's passed away, cut off in his prime,
He never had a day off crook - gone before his time,
We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat,
A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet,

The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout,
The Constable he had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out.
There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without trace,
Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space,

No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt,
When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about,
'I reckon I can clear it up,' said Dad with trembling breath,
'You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his death.'

'This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil,
And they reckoned that our farm was just the place for oil,
So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials,
They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles.

Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste,
And I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste,
So I moved the dunny over it - real smart move I thought,
I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught short'.

The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,
But I didn't dream poor Granddad would pass away that night,
Now I reckon what has happened - poor Granddad didn't know,
The dunny was re-located when that night he had to go.

And you'll probably be wondering how poor Granddad did his dash--
Well, he always used to hold his breath
Until he heard the splash!!

Australian Poetry Competition.
The Australian Poetry competition had come down to two finalists - a university graduate and an old aboriginal.
They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the given word.
The word they were given was TIMBUKTU
First to recite his poem was the university graduate.
He stepped up to the microphone and said;


Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination - TIMBUKTU
The crowd went crazy.. No way could the old aboriginal top that, they thought.
The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited.


Me and Tim a-huntin' went
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, and we was two
So I bucked one, and TIMBUKTU.
The aboriginal won.

"The Black Immaculate' Series I 1950 Morris Minor.

In the latter stages of 1958 and reasonably recovered from the motor cycle accident that nearly ended my days, I informed a worried father that it was time to move up to four wheels. The look of relief was something to behold, he didn’t have to say anything. His only comment was What have you got in mind and when do we go and get what ever it is? Yep the homework was done again. So I bought a 1950 model 985cc side valve Morris Minor that was to receive a replacement overhead valve Mazengarb cylinder head for Au£100, £50 less than the new price paid by the original purchaser. It was then fitted with home bent extractors and dual 1 ¼ SU carburettors fitted to a Warneford inlet manifold. This was to become a quick little beast referred to by my friends of the day as the "Black Immaculate". Oh I had the usual tuning problems initially, but these were overcome by a specialist SU man of the day in Launceston, Tasmania in the matter of a few hours. Now comes the funny side of the story. The chap I bought the kit off only sold it to me because he had ordered one of the new Morris Minor 1000s. Later at a North West Car Club Standing Quarter Mile, and Flying Quarter event the Black Immaculate left his Minor 1000 in its dust. I was beginning to wonder if I would have to remove the stop post in the speedometer to save bending the needle. One unhappy new car owner was the end result. I must also add that dear old Dad was not impressed either. I was told that I was bloody well mad. Such is the exuberance of youth. (The image shown is not of my vehicle, but purely to show the type of car that I once owned.)

Please visit the following website relative to the humble morris Minor. http://www.morris-minor-conversions.co.uk/

The Age of Mobility and more.

A person one day asked me about my mispent youth and what had I done during the late 1950's onwards. The answer was quite simple.

• Motor scooter/motor cycles. The latter almost had me departing this mortal life. It was got rid of and then the story continues.


• Car: The notorious Mazengarb Overhead Valve converted 1950 Morris Minor known as the "Black Immaculate". [Please check out the link]


• The odd young lady or two or three.


• Car: 1955 FJ Holden Special.


• One particular young lady who didn't last the distance.


• Car: 1958 FC Holden Special heavilly modified. [A seperate post to follow.]


• A new young Lady who was to become my partner. [politically correct term] A family of three children. One son and two daughters who in turn have presented us with five lovely grand children.


• Then a series of cars, Ford Falcons, Ford Cortinas, 48/53 series [FX] Holden [A seperate post to follow], VW Beetles [refer to website], Dune Buggies, Leyland P76 - V8, Datsun 1200 coupe, Toyota Corona S/W, and lastly a Ford Laser and Toyota Camry.


• In between the above, Citizen Band Radio appeared in Australia starting off as pirate operators till it became legal in the early 1970's


• Somewhere in between all of this I became involved with Lions Clubs International. First as a member of the Penguin Lions Club (Tasmania) 1963 for a period of three years. Shift work effectively put an end to that till August 1985 when I was invited to become a member of the City Of Burnie Lions Club Inc. formerly known as the Burnie Lions Club. Positions held: Secretary [Penguin], Director, Vice President for two years, President 1988-89, Club Board member for a number of years. At District level: Zone Chairman 1989-90, Regional Chairman 1990-91, 2009-2010, District Chairman 1991-95.


• Volunteer work: Burnie Visitor Information Centre, Burnie Online Access Centre, Red Cross Meals on Wheels, Library book distribution to the elderly, Red Cross Transport. all amounting in excess of 10,000 hours.


• Now ask me what I do in my spare time. What the hell is that?

I invite all visitors to have a look at my Website of which this blog page is related to. There is something there that will interest most people.

http://www2.webng.com/theoldgoat/